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--> «H E»Cheating :: email posted Thu, 04/28/11 Why do so many women who have good men...cheat on them....and women who have bad men...usually more often than not...stay with them?
by DJ Tammy Morgan
People have been asking this age old question...well, for ages! The problem is much more complex that we could ever imagine. Think about it: Here you have a perfectly good man, who goes to work every day, helps with the housework (or at least tries), takes care of his kids (if he has any), and is a pretty much all around "good guy". Next, you have his wife or his woman. This perfectly good man finds out some how, that his woman has cheated on him. Heartbreaking to say the least! The question is...why? Why would a woman cheat on a perfectly good man? There's no universal answer for this one I'm afraid.
The reason why I say that is because, no one really knows what is going on inside of this woman's head or heart. There is a strong possibility that she is just plain unhappy. Now before you come out of your underwear...let me say, yes, it appears that this woman may seem to have nothing to be unhappy about. But do we really know that? Do we know what their sex life is like? What is their financial situation? Are there any other major stressors going on in the marriage or relationship? Even though sex isn't everything...it is an important part of any healthy relationship that should not be taken lightly.
According to Relationship Therapist Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D., in her book "Make up Don't Break up" she gives interesting reasons why some women may be inclined to wander:
1. We "Get off" on the Rush - Women crave the endorphin high from the initial attraction they feel toward a new guy.
2. We want attention - Women sometimes cheat because they feel taken for granted and a new lover give them the TLC that their man may not be giving.
3. We feel pressured - When women stress, (especially over a guy, they may seek out another stud to lean on as a distraction.
Communication is very important, and many fail to inculcate into their relationship. So when the communication lines are closed...bad things will happen. Whether it's infidelity, over-spending or some other tragic means of wrecking what seems to be a perfectly good relationship...it will happen when both parties fail to talk (to each other, not to your best girlfriend!) openly and honestly about what you are feeling. Being afraid to hurt a "good man's" feelings is not an excuse to by-pass telling him the truth. ie., I'm not happy, I'm not in love with you, our sex live is stressin' me, our finances are stressin' me" Whatever the case may be...talk about it. If you feel as though you cannot talk about it on your own...get help. There are many Therapists and Councelors that can help you put the pieces back together again.
Now, for the second half of the question:
Why do women who have bad men...usually more often than not...stay with them?
Many women, crave bad men. They do! The "bad boy" image has been sought out by many women! Thinking rationally, most women do not want a man that will physically, financially, or emotionally abuse them. So I'm assuming your question is along the lines of an abusive relationship. Why would a woman stay with a man who beats her up, calls her names, or withholds financial support? There are many reasons, and the majority have to do with self image or self esteem. Some have to do with childhood issues and/ or emotional problems. How women view themselves often determines what type of man she ends up with. If she allows herself to stay with a man who treats her inappropriately, her self esteem will slowly whittle away until she feels as though she has no choice but to endure what is dished out to her. She feels desparate and may feel as though she deserves to be treated this way, when in fact, no one deserves to be treated like an animal. Even animals have certain rights!
So let's break it down. Why would a woman, stay with a man who is not good for them? First of all, every woman who stays with a "bad man" has their own reasons. Some women who grew up in homes where they may have felt they were not valued, neglected or abused emotionally or physically, may grow up feeling that's the only kind of relationship that's possible. They may feel that drawn to neglectful or abusive men because those types of relationships are familiar to them. Most of us automatically avoid the unknown and unfamiliar. Some women who were abused or neglected as children, or grew up in homes where their mothers were abused even if the children were not, unconsciously seek out similar men in attempts to triumph over their childhood circumstances. They (and other trauma victims) may feel compelled to put themselves in similar abusive or neglectful circumstances again and again, each time believing they'll have a different outcome. It's an attempt to master the past trauma by convincing themselves (and perhaps others) that NOW they have control over the situation. But of course they usually end up being hurt again.
Some women who deny their childhoods were unhappy, neglectful or abusive, or who have amnesia for much of such childhoods, end up in what psychiatrist Richard Kluft has called "sitting duck syndrome" -- repeatedly abused in one relationship after another because they've got blinders on for the warning signs. If they allowed themselves to see (and feel) the danger signals of abuse and neglect, they might recognize those signals were also present in their childhood relationships with parents or siblings, and thus have to face some unpleasant realities about those childhood experiences. They may rather (at an unconscious level) continue to believe their parents were nonabusive, preserving their relationship with their parents at the cost of being able to recognize and respond to hurtful attitudes and behaviors in other relationships.
Another thing to consider is that abusive men may do a good job of convincing their partners that it's all their (the partner's) fault, and may isolate the partner from other sources of support so their victim is emotionally and financially dependent on them. Such men may lay on the charm and be very contrite after an explosion or breakup in efforts to win their partners back. A woman who's eager to believe her man will change can succumb to gifts and promises and convince herself (or at least try to convince herself) that things will be different from now on. Plus, as you may know, families or cultures in which women are viewed as subservient to men may encourage women to put up with abuse or neglect in order to cling to the man's status, or because divorce is considered shameful.
I hope this helps you understand some reasons women may persist in unhealthy relationships, or repeatedly become involved with abusive men. For more about general relationship dynamics, I recommend books by psychologist Harriet Lerner, such as The Dance of Intimacy. Gavin de Becker's The Gift of Fear also addresses ways in which many women override their intuition and place themselves in dangerous situations and harmful relationships.
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1. Dave left...Mon, 09/05/05 12:47 pm
I'm told that wives often say to their husbands. - "I'm not ATTRACTED to you anymore... I just don't FEEL IT" then leave.Maybe women need constant excitement in their lives? Maybe they are too quickly bored? Any ideas?
2. Dave left...Mon, 09/05/05 12:50 pm
It's well known that women are more attracted to bad men and turned off by good men. Why is that so?
3. Ali left...Mon, 09/05/05 3:41 pm
Women should not be let off the hook for cheating just like men don't get off the hook no matter what lame ass excuse is given for their wayward ways.We don't care why the piece of shit is a piece of shit just flush it down the toilet quick!"We get off on the rush" "we want attention" "we feel pressured" - So basically women who cheat are adrenaline junkies looking for a fix, childish attention hogs and can't handle the rigors of real life. Does that sum it up?It seems the excuses get lamer and lamer."Being afraid to hurt a "good man's" feelings is not an excuse to by-pass telling him the truth." Bottom line. Again, it's not even about the man's feelings, if it was, the woman wouldn't cheat in the first place. She'd leave if she was so damn unhappy. It's about her feelings and how uncomfortable she would be if he knew the truth.I wish they would stop with the cliched lies they tell themselves to convince themselves that what they are doing is right or permissible.As for why they stay with a bad man. Well simply put maybe women love drama. Can't handle it obviously, but love the "feelings" it produces.Odds are she won't love you but will love how you make her feel (which is not stable because you can't make her feel that way forever). A recipe for divorce if there is marriage.
4. Mamasan left...Mon, 09/05/05 10:59 pm
...and I just shake my head. Most of you (men), if you had a good woman...that is if you bothered to notice one long enough to have her...wouldn't know what to do.I'm saying this as a good woman who has no trouble being noticed, by the way. This is just my observation over the years of trying to teach both good men and women to stop bowing down to make others look taller.Great as some of you guys might be, you're still selectively blind.You get what you advertise for. If you behave low, you get the low. If you hold your head high, you get the high.The most deceptive people I know behave as the most humble. They pretend to have low confidence in order to attract people with even lower confidence. If it works so well as a scam, you can bet it works even better when someone is genuinely down on themselves.Try not giving a damn about how most women are beyond intellectual curiosity or concern for the species. If you're a good man looking for a good woman, then you should only care what the good ones think of you....and if a good woman is bored or upset with you, then cheating shouldn't be a worry, but if it is, it should be the least of them.She's not just going to shoulder her half of the responsibilty for the state of the relationship. She's going to require that you shoulder your half too.
5. Ali left...Mon, 09/05/05 11:21 pm
That's really all we can ever ask of each other. Each do their part.
6. Mamasan left...Tue, 09/06/05 6:21 am
Ali, you'd be surprised how difficult that is for people...even the good ones. The first problem these days is to figure out what that part is.I try to help by insisting with my male partners that I do not want to be the man in the relationship. They can be as submissive as they like, and I'm okay with that, but they still have to be the man.They decide where it's going or where they want it to go, and I decide if I want to go there. They determine to a large extent the identity of the family...cultural, religious, etc.There's alot to being the man aside of these things, but these were the ones off the top of my head. There's alot to being a woman too. If one doesn't hold up their end, things don't work.I think sometimes women don't fully understand the responsibility involved with being a woman, even in a fairly traditional situation. These days they want to be just like men, but we're not just like men...and we can't expect men to be like us.We really do have different responsibilities in a relationship. I think a woman who keeps that in mind has an easier time not cheating because she's going to speak up if something is wrong, and has too much else to think about without manufacturing drama.
7. Bob left...Tue, 09/06/05 2:08 pm
This is what we discuss every day. The woman cheats because her husband is boring. He never learned the proper skills in bed, he isn't funny, he doesn't want to go out with her - no date night, he isn't social, he has few if any friends - the friends he had alienated him, he GOT TOTALLY out of shape after the marriage, few hobbies besides watching TV, he doesn't dress well or care as much about grooming.It's pretty simple - is that attractive to a woman? HELL NO.It's a lazy guy and happens to about 90% of marriages.
8. Ali left...Tue, 09/06/05 3:45 pm :: http://www.webalta.de/
Excuses, Bob, excuses. Instead of problem-solving.A man would be just as wrong for cheating on his wife who has gotten lazy, fat and boring, etc.I wish people would stop blaming it on the person who got cheated on. Unless they were just a horrible curr (in most cases they are not), it's just not fair. The cheater always had the option to vocalize the problem with them and at least attempt to work it out. I think some people just sit and wait for something they don't like to happen and they use it as a "I'm a go cheat card".Childish.If her husband is boring, plan to do fun things w/ him. He may get into that and then he won't be boring anymore. If he never learned the propper skills in bed, maybe that's because he wasn't Wilt Chamberlain with 10,000 women to practice on. She can simply tell him what SHE likes and he should be able to satisfy her. As far as all the other complaints, that's all either fixable or shit to bear with while people work on self improvement. 9/10 times the people that cheat are damn near unbearable themselves.This is pretty simple too - is there ever a good excuse to cheat? Nope. But they always have a lame ass excuse ready for why they were immoral enough to break their vows. Again, the problems could have been fixed, I guess it's just easier to engage in infidelity. Hmmm...who's the lazy one now?And Mamasan I agree, I think if couples worked on doing their responsibilities more, there would be less bullshit and "reasons" for somebody to be tempted to cheat. One of the responsibilities is to be loyal to your mate for example...lol. Help them be the best they can be and vice versa. Instead it seems some people see their mate w/ a problem and they talk down to them, they break down their self confidence instead of helping them build back up. Over time this wears you down. So yeah you may become boring if your wife is a pain in the ass...where is your motivation? You may put on some weight if you have kids and taking care of them and work is 90% of your day....where is your motivation to stay fit? Where do you find the time?They don't think, "My husband works hard every day and doesn't seem to have had any fun in a while, we should plan something fun to do every week."They think : "All he does is sit on the couch and watch sports when he gets home. What about me? He's supposed to be entertaining me. I need passion!"They don't think: "Gee, my wife is overburdened with house chores and the kids. No wonder she hasn't had the time to stay in shape. Why don't her and I do some workouts together when we can? It'll be fun."They think: "Look at her putting on weight. She's lost her figure, she's gotten lazy. That's not the girl I fell in love with. She doesn't even turn me on anymore."Clearly the mind of the person who cheats is a selfish one so let's not pick on the victims all the time.
9. Bob left...Tue, 09/06/05 5:21 pm
Ali - it's not excuse at all. Any guy who does that and doesn't have a life - deserves to be cheated on - no question. Although the wife should end the marriage.Yes woman get fat as well and quit trying.
10. Ali left...Tue, 09/06/05 6:27 pm :: http://www.webalta.de/
"it's not excuse at all. Any guy who does that and doesn't have a life - deserves to be cheated on - no question. Although the wife should end the marriage."I guess we could say cheaters deserve to be cheated on but...since we taint our character when we cheat, is it worth it just to get revenge?"Yes woman get fat as well and quit trying."Some quit right after the honeymoon, lol.It's not just getting fat. It's lazyness in terms of making the relationship work. Expecting everything to fix itself or your partner to shoulder the majority of the burden. That shit gets old real quick. I think usually there is an imbalance on both sides, but it's the real weak and lazy person who cheats instead of working out the problems or ending the relationship honorably.
11. Dave left...Tue, 09/06/05 9:09 pm
- Colonel H. Stinkmeaner I mean, really, if I gain a little weight, does that really mean I don't love my wife? I know if she did, I would still love her. My parents ahve been together for sooo long. They are not the most fit people around, I also heard that the sex is not amazing(gross I know), but They still love eachther and have been married for so long. My mom, comes home and watches televsion. She's a little lazy and doesn't do much. My dad still loves her. My dad sometimes lounges around and just watches tv. She still loves him. They have not cheated on eachother. It seems that there are reasons for cheating. There are reasons for leaving, but none of the reasons you've mentioned are worth someone you supposedly love. Now, maybe I am thinking of marriage and love as some fantasy connection, between two people. Maybe I'm mistaken to think that love is more then a paycheck and good looks. But really, if thats the truth, then its very sad to know this.>>Any guy who does that and doesn't have a life - deserves to be cheated on - no question. Although the wife should end the marriage.<
12. Ali left...Tue, 09/06/05 11:51 pm :: http://www.webalta.de/Wait...Bob are you suggesting a guy who doesn't have a life or a lazy guy deserves to be cheated on? Or are you saying cheaters deserve to get cheated on? I may have missunderstood.
13. Mamasan left...Wed, 09/07/05 10:07 amI don't think some people might deserve to be cheated on, but this doesn't make cheating an honorable thing to do.A person should have the guts to stand by their word, and if they can't keep it, they should butch up and face things honestly.That starts with honesty with self, and extends to honesty with their partners. I think alot of "fat, lazy couch potato" husbands who weren't that way when they got married, but became that way later, are saying that they don't really want to be married anymore. They become physically unattractive because they don't want to shag the same woman anymore, and perhaps feel hopeless because they're "tied down" now.Some women do the same thing.I think compulsory monogamy for life makes most people miserable, and it's time people accepted this. Humans really aren't ready to make a lifetime commitment until their 40's in general. Problem is that prime breeding years are much earlier.Perhaps one solution is to put more focus on being parents than being husbands and wives unless we know that we know that we've gotten lucky and found a truly compatible lifemate.Perhaps another is to expect less from marriage/commitments from people under 40...to always be prepared for the breakup so that at least we don't get saddled with someone who really doesn't want to be there.Until recently, I chose the latter solution. It's helped me to survive well. However, I do believe that time is the actual solution.When I look at the marriages that have lasted happily, they were between people who gave some years to the relationship before getting "tied down" to the person.My parents...their parents...friends of the family...same story.The ones who didn't wait 3+ years before marrying, it took at least that long after marriage for the love to solidify into something permanent.
14. Bob left...Wed, 09/07/05 11:06 amAli - I am saying a guy who lets his life go and doesn't take care of himself and gets lazy in a marriage deserves to get cheated on. He is anti-challenge and woman hate it!I also think a guy who lets his life go after marrage is NOT standing up to his word - the guy gets fat, he doesn't take his wife out, doesn't go out with his friends, doesn't have meaningful conversatins with his wife etc.Happens all the time - of course she'll fin someone else."to always be prepared for the breakup so that at least we don't get saddled with someone who really doesn't want to be there." I AGREE a lot with this - it's called building barriers and not get totally involved too early.
15. Ali left...Wed, 09/07/05 12:02 pm :: http://www.webalta.de/So women who get lazy and let themselves go deserve to be cheated on too?
16. Ali left...Wed, 09/07/05 12:08 pm :: http://www.webalta.de/"Ali - I am saying a guy who lets his life go and doesn't take care of himself and gets lazy in a marriage deserves to get cheated on. He is anti-challenge and woman hate it!"So is this how women think? Is this how they "justify" cheating? I'd like to hear from more women on the issue.Bob - The day will come when even you miss a beat or two. By your own logic, don't be suprised if your woman lets somebody else dip their spoon in her pudding because you dropped the ball on something.
17. RAY THOMAS left...Wed, 09/07/05 1:44 pmBob, I respect your opinions and sometimes they be on point, but I have to say the nay-no my brother.WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE!NOBODY! NOBODY! NOBODY! deserves to be cheated on mayne. So what if the husband is on a first class trip to Bundy land, doesn't mean that the wife should lower herself for pleasure homie. That's a bitch move. If she mad and wants out, then get a divorce like 80% of everybody else does. Then to make him suffer, go ahead and try to get alimony...that's what a lot...whole hell of a lot of women do at a time like that. So the mand can suffer.Like I said Bob, nobody deserves to be hurt and what you said earlier leaving him because of weight gain, antisocialism, lack of recreation and etc. are excuses. To me anyway.
18. Salvador Escobar left...Wed, 09/07/05 1:47 pmThis just illustrates the selfishness & all-around bullshit that's behind cheating. Instead of voicing your wants and perceived unhappiness, things are made worse by cheating. No matter the sex, it's still bullshit.
19. Bob left...Wed, 09/07/05 1:59 pmNo this good...good arguments. I take my experience from what my married friends have been through. I want to hear other ideas - but this my own conclusion. May the lazy guy deep down knows the marriage is over.I just had a friend's wife leave him for another guy.My friend was a ladies man before being married - he got soft, needy, he stopped hanging with his friends (he ALWAYS had his friends before a woman), he stopped being a real man - he was like a girly man. This woman was an very attractive blonde - smart. He followed her around instead of taking the lead in most cases. He was there for her too much.
20. Bob left...Wed, 09/07/05 2:01 pmand YES it's BS - but WHY does it happen. Two people who were in love.....
21. Mamasan left...Wed, 09/07/05 2:11 pmI'm trying to see Bob's side of this. Perhaps what he's trying to say is that someone who lets themselves go for reasonably handle-able reasons, is breaking their vows too...or at least indicating that they've lost motivation of the first and core vow...to love their spouse.I don't have a problem with fat in particular. I definitely don't have a problem with low activity intellectual. I do however have a problem with not in love with me anymore. It's not going to drive me to cheat though. It's just going to tell me it's time to leave.I don't care if we have 10 kids, a joint account, whatever. I'm not staying committed to someone who doesn't love me...but then I'm not the kind of woman who would take half on the way out, or deprive him of parental rights, so a guy wouldn't have many worries about my leaving except that I'm gone.Some guys do have worries though, as do some women. So they have a bigger dilema.A person who is trapped by their gonads doesn't have alot of choice when they lose it for their partner or their partner loses it for them. They can only control their situation in a few ways.One good way to keep from having to have sex with someone who repels you is to be unattractive to them...but as long as one has those documents intact, they can really screw the other person.To me, at the point of letting one's self go to hell or cheating, marriage becomes a joke...but a very serious and dangerous one.I'm not justifying cheating at all, but I do understand why some people do it. They're trapped and they don't want to be. Problem is that they put themselves in that trap, and should take the responsibility for it.This is why I went into both of my marriages with a mutual out clause. If at any point within the first five years, the other decided they didn't want to be there, I'd be gone with absolutely no penalties.Nobody had a reason to cheat. Everybody could be honest. We are all still friends, and though the romances are over, we're all good parents.I'd rather things be this way than to have stayed in non functioning relationships, or to creep.
22. Bow left...Wed, 09/07/05 2:42 pm...and I just shake my head. Most of you (men), if you had a good woman...that is if you bothered to notice one long enough to have her...wouldn't know what to do.What is a good woman to you? We just try to find and start good relationships, the only men who can't see a good woman are the ones who treat them like crap. The women of coars like this, if they didn't then why don't they leave. Good men look for good women, but good women want bad men. Most men know what a good woman is. We often find good qualities in women from other parts of the country.
23. Bow left...Wed, 09/07/05 2:43 pmWe hear things like the above from woman who are Fat or out of shape. These woman think they are better then woman who are pretty, when infact they are just like them, they just can't do what thise women do.
24. Mamasan left...Wed, 09/07/05 3:17 pmJames, to me, a good woman is an honorable woman...and a good man, an honorable man.Since you don't fit that criteria, you should have nothing to say on the subject. Your word means nothing.I'm fat...but you're still a liar.
25. Bob left...Wed, 09/07/05 3:42 pm"Perhaps what he's trying to say is that someone who lets themselves go for reasonably handle-able reasons, is breaking their vows too...or at least indicating that they've lost motivation of the first and core vow...to love their spouse."YES! Thank you mamasan. They are not the person that person married - instead of improving they do the opposite. I like what you said and that's how I feel about the topic.
26. Bob left...Wed, 09/07/05 3:43 pmI am not one to cheat, not have I ever cheated on anyone. Never will.
27. Bob left...Wed, 09/07/05 4:03 pmJames man - grow up - get a clue. Get some respect.
28. alexandra left...Wed, 09/07/05 5:03 pm<
29. Bob left...Wed, 09/07/05 5:15 pmalexandra - I really like what you said. That's the whole point. Some guys think - now I am in the clear - I gave her what she wants - marriage....he doesn't realize what needs to be done.
30. Ali left...Wed, 09/07/05 5:57 pm :: http://www.webalta.de/I think people misinterpret why people get "lazy" and "fat". (Can we also apply this to people who are lazy in their morals/values?)What do people do when they have a problem they can't solve?Some people eat.Some people give up (no solution in sight)Some people just get tired of trying because they are getting nowhere because their spouse is an asshole for the moment and it's all the person can do to maintain their job or something. We all go thru those trying times that leave us depleted sometimes. Life can't be all fit and trim always.The thing is if you want to see fatness and lazyness as a weakness then ask yourself this: what should a person do when they see weakness in their mate? Punish them? Make life harder for them? Betray them?I thought they were supposed to want to help their mate be stronger if they love them. Maybe that's the key. IF THEY LOVE THEM.So what I am saying, is even if your mate gets fat/lazy/complacent/insert subpar behavior, there may be a reason for it and one of the reasons may be your relationships is FUCKED right now because YOU are not doing your part either. So despair shows up in your mate in with the above symptoms.Ask yourself if YOU are doing all you can in the relationship or if YOU have been just as lazy in other areas????But a selfish person will assume they have nothing to do with the state of the relationship and punish their mate by resenting them and cheating, even abusing them if they are so inclined.Problems ===> stress ===> solve the problems or continue to be stressed ====> triumph or despair ===>become fit, trim, actively moving, or resignIf you think they are lazy, give them something to work for. Improve yourself and make them feel like they need to catch up. Don't make them jealous by seeing other people or having flings though. That's just taking advantage of the situation. If you want them to get in better shape, work on your shape (some people should not be talking)! Become pro-active and constructive instead of destructive. IF YOU LOVE THEM YOU WILL.If you don't love them then guess who should not have been married in the first place.Remember, in some cases loosing too much weight is unattractive as well. Should people with anorexia/bulemia or illnesses that make them loose lots of weight be cheated on? Your mate may be depressed for whatever reason and the weight gain/loss and the "lazyness" might be a symptom of that. Try having a heart.I don't agree that people letting themselves go is necessarally breaking their wedding vows. It's something they can recover from - they may need some support from you though. (correction, if you are their spouse they WILL need your help) For better or worse. This is the part of worse that you can help make better IF YOU LOVE THEM!!Maybe you can help your spouse believe in themselves again! Maybe they are missing what they need from YOU! At least give that an honest try before calling it quits!With that "they deserve to be cheated on" mentality, no wonder there is so much infidelity, so little sacrity in marriage and so much dishonor. That explains a lot.I wonder how many people out there subscribe to that belief.
31. Ali left...Wed, 09/07/05 6:06 pm :: http://www.webalta.de/"YES! Thank you mamasan. They are not the person that person married - instead of improving they do the opposite. I like what you said and that's how I feel about the topic.""You are not the man I married!" - Probably one of the most heard statements right before a divorce.Okay...well that doesn't excuse cheating.And most women do not turn out to be the woman their husbands married. In fact many of them start the metamorphasis right after the honeymoon!Does that entitle their husbands to cheat?And if the change is that drastic maybe the problem is you didn't get to know them enough before marrying them. If you rush to the altar you will find out a great number of things about your spouse after the fact, especially their bad points. But you signed on for better or worse so don't be all bitch made when worse comes. As I said previously, you must give a shit enough to understand why there was a change in their behavior (if that was what happened).Once again bullshit excuses for cheating and being part of the problem when they could have easily been a part of the solution IF THEY LOVED THEIR SPOUSE.
32. RAY THOMAS left...Thu, 09/08/05 4:18 pmALRIGHT, WE OBVIOUSLY GOT INTO A OPRAH INDUCED THREAD.
33. Dave left...Tue, 11/29/05 7:28 pm>>Why do women who have bad men...usually more often than not...stay with them?Some women, like bad men. They do! The "bad boy" image has been sought out by many a sister!<
34. Tommy left...Wed, 11/30/05 10:06 pmMy advice to men would be to put $10 dollars into your secret personal account for every dollar you put in your joint account with the wife. Keep it like that at all times.Then, if the time comes where the wife wants a divorce, all you have to do is pull the money out of your secret account and book yourself on a one-way flight to a country that doesn't have an extradition treaty with the U.S. (i.e. - France, Mexico, etc.) This is just so that you could avoid prosecution by U.S. and state law enforcement, while you can also avoid being financially plundered by the soon-to-be ex-wife.
35. brandy left...Fri, 12/16/05 12:58 amevery reason why is bullshit... honesty, thats what it is all about. get drunk, do some crack, fuck the first person in sight hey its a party right?? a vow is a commitment that says i belong and u belong together. dig deep and u can find a reson why or an excuse, bottom line its wrong, it is betrayal of a most basic and personal sort, when u are unfaithful you are basically raping the other. and to lie about it afterward... burn in everlasting hell michelle!!!
36. Jack left...Wed, 09/13/06 10:27 amWoman always get off easy.Oh ! the man is not making them feel right so if they cheat thats the reason.Smartin up guys, when the guy cheats he is the guilty one.the woman could be treating him like a slave,but he is the one who should be judged.Guys these woman are trying to reprogram all of us.Do not let them. They cheat...leave.Woman are evil by nature.Look how they treat each other..with venom and kindness.
37. Tommy left...Thu, 09/14/06 8:39 am"They can be as submissive as they like, and I'm okay with that, but they still have to be the man." -Mamasan, would you explain that. I don't understand.
38. mikki left...Thu, 09/14/06 11:39 amummm...To All:Show of hands...any of you out there ACTUALLY married? or have been married?
39. Mamasan left...Thu, 09/14/06 2:46 pmTommy, what I mean is that not every man is dominant. Male dominance is a relative status/hierarchy thing, and a great many men fall in love with women who are more dominant than they are. In fact, some men prefer the woman to be the dominant party in the relationship.Gender is fluid throughout humanity, so not every male is going to have all traditionally male traits, and not all females are going to have traditionally female traits. However, whoever in the relationship is the biological male has to perform the associated natural role of a male, even if he likes to wear pink frilly underwear.His biology deems that he's carrying two automatically refreshing "seed pods" between his legs that are pressing him to mate about as often as he has the opportunity, with whoever turns him on and is available. He can choose not to actually behave this way, but this is his option. So the female who wants a relationship with him has to convince him that she's worth focussing on (even if she likes to roll around in the dirt with her pals playing commando, drink beer, and shoot things on the weekends), and once she does, he needs to define the parameters of their relationship.From macho construction workers to metrosexual IKEA addicts to flamboyant-but-straight crossdressers to m2f pre- or non-op transexuals/androgynes, the one with the balls has to guard his family jewels from the exploitive and anti-male, and only commit when he's good and damned sure and ready. When he is ready, he's got to speak up one way or another...even if it's basically just a "take me I'm yours" cue to the more butch female.
40. mikki left...Thu, 09/14/06 4:01 pm"They cheat...leave.Woman are evil by nature.Look how they treat each other..with venom and kindness. "Jack:Yes, women can be venomous, but are men any different? I dont see too many males holding hands, hugging and crying when they are troubled, and i dont see too many guys, patting each other on the back, or confiding in each other regarding, women, insecurites, or emotional problems. The male mystic still exists, and most guys are liable to give you a sarcastic quip, a smart comment, macho stance, suck it up attitude than a kind word...or comforting advice....Sure you'll get a quick "atta boy" if you received a raise at work, or up another "sex conquest" on your ...but as far as displaying sensitivity when youre hurt, lonely or troubled...
41. johnty left...Thu, 09/14/06 8:27 pm
Mikki,If you are hurt, lonely or troubled and a man, ya DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. If ya can't ya accept it. Most men have no interest in using womens' model of sensitivity to cope. Sucking it up is not denying the problem, its just geting on with solving it or accepting it.Men and women generally express their negative side and disfunctionality in different ways, as well as their positive traits.The "male mystic" is only mystic to you because you are a female. It's a healthy and natural way for men to express themselves.Ultimately people will do whatever they will do, no matter the gender. However the vast majority of men are more stoic and the vast majority of women are more sensitive.Maybe PEOPLE have the capacity to be negative or selfish and other PEOPLE have the capacity to accept or reject this from others.People cannot make us feel one way or the other, only we can. We gotta look from the outside in, not the inside out.
42. johnty left...Thu, 09/14/06 8:38 pmDoh! I meant: People cannot make us feel one way or the other, only we can. people must look from the inside, not the outside for where it originates from.
43. johnty left...Thu, 09/14/06 9:02 pm...and this is the fundamental problem with being a "nice guy", they are using womens' model of sensitivity in their lives. There is no respect for them, because they are men, not women.When they realise why they are unhappy, depressed, whatever, they can deprogramme themselves and live a much more balanced and contented life as is biologically intended. Generally it is unnatural for men to be this way and it is very difficult to fuction as a male in society in this postion.Mikki, many guys on here are recovering from this postion. You are going to find some venting (I've done my fair share, eh Mikki). At some point they will hopefully get over it and change or accept where they find themselves. The fact is these guys are at least aknowledging a problem and are here to find a way out.Ah well...Such is life, eh.
44. johnty left...Thu, 09/14/06 9:05 pmMamasan: <
45. Smart Mark left...Mon, 10/09/06 11:04 am"Why do women who have good men...cheat on them....and women who have bad men...usually more often than not...stay with them?"....because the women in question are not good women, of course.
46. mikki left...Mon, 10/09/06 3:36 pm"When they realize why they are unhappy, depressed, whatever, they can deprogramme themselves and live a much more balanced and contented life as is "I agree with you, the only flaw i see is the "when they realize" comment. Men naturally keep problems, emotions, feelings stuffed deep down inside. Those men that suffer from depression, anxiety, or any other disorders are VERY unlikely to seek professional help for thier feelings. It is a fact that both men and women feel depression in different ways, and both exhibit some similar symptoms, such as hopelessness, continual sadness, and even physical problems, such as weight gain, insomnia, or general fatigue. Yet the majority of men will never be diagnoised because they will never seek out a doctor for thier symptoms. Women are much more likely to be in-tune with thier bodies, and when they feel out of wack...they usually seek out help. Men are not so well in-tune, and when they feel out-of-wack, usually dont solicite advice from other men. Men dont go around asking other men if THIER feelings are normal. Men dont ask other men why they feel, sad, or lonely or depressed. Usually men blame thier emotions on outside sources, ie work, or school or relationship problems.Men are just a little more STUBBORN when it comes to thier own health..
47. taylor left...Mon, 10/09/06 4:18 pm"Why do women who have good men...cheat on them....and women who have bad men...usually more often than not...stay with them"mmm the same could be said for the men....why would a MAN cheat with a girl who has a bf in the first place? If the man had any honor he would refuse to take part of the infidelity.....but most men will jump at the chance to have sex with someone...even if that someone belonged to another....
48. Ali left...Mon, 10/09/06 7:58 pmTaylor why are you shifting responsibility away from the cheater? Of course the person they cheat with is just as bad that goes without saying, but guess what??? You have to look at who was in the relationship, they are the ones who had a responsibility to not betray their partner. THEY made the decision to cheat, and contrary to popular belief they can't go blaming their infidelity on the asshole who hit on them, as if women have no control over their responses to people advances! Pointing the finger elsewhere is just an attempt to escape accountability, and really in the context of the relationship that was dragged thru the mud by the cheating...is neither here nor there. The cheater obviously didn't deserve to be in the relationship anymore but instead of just leaving with some kind of self respect or honor they chose to hurt their partner. So once again I see men get blamed for when women are doing something they know is wrong. How mature. Of course if the cheater got done wrong eventually by the person they cheated with, that would just be the chickens coming home to roost.
49. DJ left...Mon, 10/09/06 10:05 pm"....because the women in question are not good women, of course."That pretty much sums it up.And I agree with what Mikki said about men sometimes having trouble trying to decipher what they are feeling and why they are feeling it.
50. Ray Thomas left...Tue, 10/10/06 12:15 amHere we go with women taking up for the women that they say they don't like on here. How you gonna say that bad girls fuck it up for everyone when in fact a lot of you defend them on here? I don't get it.
51. taylor left...Tue, 10/10/06 11:45 am"THEY made the decision to cheat, and contrary to popular belief they can't go blaming their infidelity on the asshole who hit on them,"Yes, it is the responsibilty of the person that cheated, but it does take TWO people to cheat, and nine times otta ten the person who cheats is someones best friend, or neighbor or someone else savy enuf to know the person's relationship status.You cannot tell me that guys dont take advantage of women? In certain situations where women have cheated on men, the women could have been troubled, distraught, or angry....perhaps even under the influence of drugs.Believe me, men do try to take advantage of women even though they absolutely know that person is in a relationship.
52. Ali left...Tue, 10/10/06 6:01 pmAgain I find it funny how when it is a question of infidelity in one partner the smokescreen tactic is commonly used to shift focus everywhere else from where it should be. But when you do the crime, the spotlight goes on you, like in those police investigations. Again, why all the juking and dodging accountability? Where did I say some guys didn't take advantage of the situation? But the other side of the coin is that those women who cheated LET THEMSELVES be taken advantage of. Nobody can convince you to cheat if you don't already want to do it. Those women were just waiting for the right guy with a silver toungue to come along. They needed a guy with little to no morals to come along and give them a reason to step out on their man. And so when the "opportunity" presents itself they indeed do the dirt. I still maintain that the person in the relationship has a responsibility to leave rather than cheat and do harm to their partner regardless of wherever else some people like to point the finger of blame.
53. mikki left...Tue, 10/10/06 6:21 pm"I still maintain that the person in the relationship has a responsibility to leave rather than cheat and do harm to their partner regardless of wherever else some people like to point the finger of blame"AliI understand your point, however i do understand Taylors as well. When someone cheats on another it is usually not so black and white. Those who cheat in a relationship could be considered selfish egotistical or immoral, or they could be just reflecting and mimicing the values THEY learned as a child Perhaps thier mother or father cheated, or be influenced by the way society is. Society today is always jamming infidelity down our throats so to speak, thru the media, advertising even our celebrity's cheat on spouses and girlfriends and get caught (the majority are male) i might add. All of this influence could effect anothers beliefs.Why place judgement on another because they dont conform to your high standards?
54. Ray Thomas left...Tue, 10/10/06 7:26 pmFace facts people: CHEATING HELPS NO ONE!!! CHEATING DOES NOT SAVE MARRIAGES! THEY ARE NOT STRONGER! Anybody tell you any different is living a lie. Not only to people but themselves. Nothing accpect self fulfillment drives a person to cheat and do other things. Don't blame me for your choices. Because you fuckin chose them."When someone cheats on another it is usually not so black and white. Those who cheat in a relationship could be considered selfish egotistical or immoral, or they could be just reflecting and mimicing the values THEY learned as a child Perhaps thier mother or father cheated, or be influenced by the way society is."I know you are not trying to do this but that whole "blame it on my upbringing and society" is a tired ass excuse my friend. You are a grown ass person that should old enough to know what is hip and what ain't (what is right and what is wrong.). Just because they had a upbringing with one of the parents was a peice of shyt doesn't mean they should do that. Come on now...get ya shyt together.
55. Ali left...Tue, 10/10/06 9:22 pmMiki I just want to know one thing...would you sit here and make these same excuses if we were talking about a cheating MAN?Your background/upbringing is no excuse if:1) you have since learned that behavior is wrongand/or2) you know you would be hurt if it was done to you - if this is the case then you understand personally the consequences of your actions on your partner so...don't bullshit me on thatYou know what? My father cheated on my mother. My mother then remarried and my stepfather did the same crap. They both physically abused her at some point. With TWO fucked up examples of what a man is supposed to be I had a choice to make, didn't I? Sit here and bullshit about my upbringing and foolishly copy bad examples or rise above that and make my own decisions based on what I know is right. Each person in that situation eventually comes to the same crossroads and moment of truth so when you are a grown ass man or woman and you choose to be an idiot you can't put the blame your parents, because you could have just as easily learned from their mistake.So I'm going to have to ask that you not insult our intelligence again with such assertions that people have no control over what they do. In fact because they are human beings (capable of free thought and free will), and not ANIMALS, they have absolute control, until they relinquish it to bad habbits and urges.
56. mikki left...Wed, 10/11/06 1:10 pm"there is really nothing you can do about it."You know what? My father cheated on my mother. My mother then remarried and my stepfather did the same crap. They both physically abused her at some point. With TWO fucked up examples of what a man is supposed to be I had a choice to make, didn't I?"Ali:Im truly sorry to hear about that situation. Yes it is sad when someone mistreats another, it is an extremely emotional and upsetting thing to witness as well. I understand your anger towards those that abuse others....I do admire the fact that you choose NOT to repeat those mistakes as well. I know it is a very hard choice to make, because i was raised in a similar situation as well. In my case, the roles were reversed, with an absentee dad and an controlling and abusive mom.....i also struggled with similar problems. I also choose a simlar path as yours, that of compassion and love instead of hate, anger and abuse.However, not everyone thinks the same as me and you. Others are selfish and egotistical, others are cruel and mean and nasty, they dont follow the same rules, they are inconsiderate lost souls. These people are filled with hate and anger.My point is you cant change the way these people are.....you cant change thier thinking....these people are following thier own path, right or wrong....it is a waste of life energy trying to save them....
57. D'Angelo left...Wed, 10/11/06 3:32 pmI have two friends. Both of them cheat on females and both have baby mothers. I asked them both why they cheat on their girlfriends. My older friend says he has a fear of commitment. He feels if he settles down with his baby mother, that he will become weak. He tries to stay faithful but he strays sometimes. My younger friend says he does it for the fun of it. He say he easily gets bored of being with the same girl over and over again.While my younger friend lacks the meaning and understanding of a relationship, my older friend understands what it means to be in a meaningful relationship. Neither have an excuse for what they are doing and how they are treating females. Atleast my older friend shows remorse for what he is doing and is atleast trying to dtop his ways. As for my younger friend he will only learn once something happens. I tried to talk to him but he doesn't listen. So I decided to let him do what he do. Why help someone who doesn't listen.Atleast I know my older friend is trying so I'll help him when he needs it.
58. Tommy left...Wed, 10/11/06 3:53 pmMikki and Ali -I come from an extremely dysfunctional family. My father had cheated on my mother several times. And my parents eventually found themselves in a loveless marriage.There were many times where my mother and father never wouldn't see or talk to each other. In early 1997 - when I was 12, it reached the point where my mother and brother poisoned my mind against my father. They told me that my father might try to kidnap me and take me to his home country of Croatia.Not surprisingly, the relationships that I had with my father was never the same again. We had moments where my dad and I would be close, and other times where I wouldn't speak to him thanks to the handiwork of my mother and brother. Eventually, my dad was in the hospital dying of lung cancer and the last time we spoke to each other resulted in an argument. I still can't get over it. And I have no respect for my mother or my borther after what they did to my mind at that time. Of course, my mom probably conveniently forgot about it.
59. mikki left...Wed, 10/11/06 5:04 pm"And I have no respect for my mother or my borther after what they did to my mind at that time. Of course, my mom probably conveniently forgot about it"Tommy:Its sad how the people who supposdly love us the most also have the power to hurt and destroy us as well. Because of youre mothers anger, she has literally poisoned those around her.There are so many selfish sick people who only see anger, hate. They are consumed with thier own pain, and as the saying goes "MISERY LOVES COMPANY". These people will never be able to see what thier hatred is doing to another person. Never underestimte the POWER of denial.I never believed those words until i experienced the pain and abuse my mother caused to me, because of her unhappiness and misery. Those that abuse others are selfish, miserable and extremely hateful people. I truly believe that these people are "dark" souls.When i was growing up i tried EVERYTHING i could to convince my mom to love me, to cherish me. I cried, i yelled, i screamed, i PRAYED, i went to church. I even denied her behaviour. I tried to analyze her read countless books on therapy, child abuse, alcholism, narcissim, . No matter what i said or what i did my mother still hated and despised me. Nothing i accomplish in this life will be good enuf for her.I have learned that i will never change her abusive ways, but i can change myself. I can become a more compassionate person. i believe in Karma, and believe that eventually what we give out will return to us.
60. Ali left...Wed, 10/11/06 5:42 pmI'm not trying to change anybody. But don't pull this whole "people aren't in control" crap with me because we both know better than that.
61. mikki left...Wed, 10/11/06 6:49 pm"I'm not trying to change anybody. But don't pull this whole "people aren't in control" crap with me because we both know better than that. "Ali:im not suggesting that you do...im only saying that if YOU expect people to behave in certain ways they will always disappoint us.Some people have absolutely NO CONTROL, over thier own emotions, or what they do or how they behave. But when YOU react negatively to THEIR BEHAVIOUR, you are only playing into thier hand...so to speak.When you allow THIER behaviour to dictate how YOU react....then they have won....
62. DJ left...Wed, 10/11/06 9:12 pmSome people thrive on other's negative behavior, because it allows them to express their own negativity. A lot of people have a problem with simply being happy, and sometimes look for negativity where there is none, or sabotage their own happiness because they are uncomfortable with it.
63. Ray Thomas left...Thu, 10/12/06 12:16 am"Maaaan, this some ol' bullshyt!"
64. Ali left...Thu, 10/12/06 1:08 amMiki spare me the crap ok? These people who we are talking about know good and damn well why they do what they do and they themselves make the call. I wonder why you are so protective of them? We are grown adults who either take full responsibility for what we do, or we blame our partners for why we wronged them. So naturally my question is, what's it gonna be? Point the finger everywhichway at the partners who got fucked over, society or the parents of the cheaters or the man in the moon if you want to but all that shit is neither here nor there because the burden of the decision making rested on the individual who made their choices from their own free will. In most cases they know what they do is wrong, why the hell else do you think they bother to make excuses for it? Think about that.DJ - Once again, you sidestep actually discussing the topic to take pop shots. Funny how you agreed with my stance on cheating before but now conveniently that you have a chance to argue against me (no matter how much you contradict yourself in the process) you let it rip. Unfortunately I'm not suprised nor impressed.
65. DJ left...Thu, 10/12/06 1:17 amI stated my opinion. Take it or leave it.
66. Rhapsody left...Wed, 11/08/06 8:26 pm :: http://rappingonamelody.spaces.live.com/Simply put, because they can. When a woman cheat it is not about the man, its about her. Sure she can use every excuse in the book, saying he is not affectionate, he does not give her enough attention, he does not/will not go out with her, blah, blah, blah, blah. It still comes down to choice no matter how you look at it. Women like men who cheat, cheat simply because they can. Its not complicated or rocket science. If it were anything other than individual choice then every woman would react and operate in the manner and have affairs.
67. Dave left...Fri, 11/17/06 1:08 pmI am divorced now for 4 years from my wife who cheated. I agree with Ali. You have a choice. When you choose not to cheat you are being human. When you choose to cheat you are a selfish dirty animal.
68. Dave left...Sat, 05/05/07 6:43 pmI think women just find good men boring
69. Mamasan left...Mon, 05/07/07 4:57 amGood women don't find good men boring.
70. sara turner left...Sat, 05/19/07 2:42 pmand well i am not sure how true this note is but i am a cheater and i am not proud of it, i think i might just have a problem, even though my relationship is not where i want it to be it does not give me any right to cheat on my spouse,for in our vows it said for bad or good.
71. Ali left...Sat, 05/19/07 3:00 pm"Good women don't find good men boring."Concise, easy to remember and very true."and well i am not sure how true this note is but i am a cheater and i am not proud of it, i think i might just have a problem, even though my relationship is not where i want it to be it does not give me any right to cheat on my spouse,for in our vows it said for bad or good."Sara I hope you make the decision to do the honest thing and do right by your spouse from now on. Are you going to confess what you did?
72. D J left...Sat, 05/19/07 7:56 pmGood men probably don't find themselves boring.
73. charley left...Sun, 05/20/07 12:53 pm"Why do women who have good men...cheat on them....and women who have bad men...usually more often than not...stay with them?"I've noticed that nice people (men or women) often end up with the worst bad creeps (men or women). That's because only a patient tolerant person will put up with a jerk. So who else would marry a selfish jerk? Can two selfish jerks date very long or marry? NO, because they won't put up with each other. That is why the nicer people often end up with the worst people. No one else would tolerate the worst people. That applies to men or women equally.Personally, I'm a rather submissive guy until I get push past some invisible line. Like if I realize that I have to defend myself because I have no alternative, or if I realize I can't please the other person no matter what I do. Then a switch flips in my head and there's suddenly and permanently no more Mr. nice guy, no more submissive behavior with that person ever again because I've realized that they will take advantage of it and me. At that point I can become hyper assertive, which is often the end of the relationship, whether a friend or GF. However, if we work things out, then I'll calm down and go back to being easy going again, but we both know that there's limits after that.Many nice people (men or women) seem incapable of having that switch flip in their brain where they can be become assertive in self defense. Heck, if assertive doesn't work, I can even become aggressive (because with some people that's the best defense).So instead of asking why those women cheat on their nice men, I'd say this:1) There is no excuse for cheating. Period. If a person is unhappy, then either work it out, or be honest and break up.2) If those good men know they're being cheated on, then why don't they break up with her.There the saying, "Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." I apply that with men. With women, I'm more tolerant, and yes I'm submissive, but only to a point. With women, I'd want to give them a second chance, but no third chances. So with women, for me, it's "Fool me twice shame on you. Fool me a third time, get out of my life." At least that's what I aspire to. In reality they might fool me more than three times before I kick them to the curb, but sooner or later I will.In the original post, if she's unhappy, then I'm sure he is too. So why isn't he cheating? Because he's better than that. The next question becomes why doesn't he leave her? That I don't know.
74. charley left...Sun, 05/20/07 1:05 pmYou'll notice that I never addressed the issues of why she might cheat. Those excuses are irrrelevant. Work it out, or be honest and break up.However, it would be interesting just for entertainment purposes if someone would do a comparison contrast of why women cheat vs why men cheat. I think the reasons are irrelevant to a moral person, but they are interesting.Many reasons were give above for why women cheat.So why do men cheat? I'll give you my best guesses based on myself, and guy's I've known who did. I've never cheated on a woman. Never, not once. I have been tempted though. So let's look at why I was tempted.1) She was hot and I liked.2) I was horny (but what's new about that, I usually am) as is probably common for most middle age and especially younger men.3) She paid some attention to me and showed some interest. i.e. - she wanted to.That's about it. I'm simple on this subject. The first 2 would be enough to make me have some fantasies on the spot. Add the 3rd and I'd consider cheating and hitting it for a few minutes, until my conscious kicks in and then I won't, no matter how hot she is, no matter how horny I am, no matter how much she wants me or encourages me, I just won't cheat.Cheating goes against my nature and I couldn't respect myself, and I really sincerely don't want to hurt any women, and especially not one I'm with. I take that as a sacred obligation. It's a core part of who I am.
75. charley left...Sun, 05/20/07 1:10 pmI forgot this one. A 4th possible reason to think about it for me would be if I was lonely. Like I had a GF who never spent time with me or never paid me much attention. That might make cheating pass through my mind, especially if I meet another woman I like and she is paying attention to me.However, I still wouldn't cheat. I'd work it out, or break up and then most on to the woman who's paying me some attention.Cheating is not a symptom of problems. It's a symptom of dishonesty in dealing with problems.
76. Ali left...Sun, 05/20/07 8:32 pm"It's a symptom of dishonesty in dealing with problems."Good point. I'd say it's a symptom of dishonor there too.
77. frankie left...Mon, 06/11/07 12:23 am"Tommy, what I mean is that not every man is dominant. Male dominance is a relative status/hierarchy thing, and a great many men fall in love with women who are more dominant than they are. In fact, some men prefer the woman to be the dominant party in the relationship." By Mamasan.You are very wrong in thinking that great many men fall in love with more dominant women. You had contradicted yourself... you said dominance is a relative status/hierarchy thing. Are you saying men are attracted to status/hierarchy of women?? You downplay the dominant traits of men as if they were vanity or just some learned behavior, and you also give wrong ideas to men by saying men seek out more dominant females! How wrong you are. Maybe your x husband was a sissy but most men(yea, way more than you suggested) are natually dominant. They have to be, and women are attracted to dominant men. You lied and reverse the universal truth! Men definitely DON'T want more dominant women. It wouldn't work! Look at all the millions of romance novels women read everyday! You are confusing men who let their wives make desicions about what color the walls should be with liking wives to be dominant!! You are confusing men who have wives who sit on their faces during kinky sex as submissive but those men simply were tired of making desicions at work and so don't want to exert themselves in sex. Mamasan, you are confused and you are trying to confuse the gender.
78. JoGo left...Sun, 07/01/07 9:42 pmWow, hahaha. I have to say. I'm not a married man. I am 9months into a serious reltionship and do really care for my girlfriend. But, reading all of this, makes me think that I don't ever want to get married.
79. charley left...Sun, 07/01/07 11:52 pm
I have observed many times, that the worst people (men or women) often end up married to the best people (men or women). How and why does that seem to happen?My sister once observed that she thinks it happens because only the most tolerant (nicer) people would put up with the worst assholes. i.e. - who else can a jerk get married to but an extra nice, tolerant person? No one else would put up with them long enough to marry them.That's an interesting theory and seems to make a lot of sense. Some of the worst people I know are married to some of the best.
80. brian left...Tue, 07/10/07 12:07 pm
Ever think that women don't know what commitment is? They think its greener on the other side of the fence yet the shit still smells the same. They are just running away because they can't handle reality. I feel they live in a media driven fantasy world about romance not life!
81. Frederic left...Thu, 07/12/07 6:46 pm
Women cheat on good men because they are not honorable people themselves. To say good men are boring is the biggest copout I have ever heard. Its an excuse . Life in general is not very exciting for many people. We know this because we involve ourselves with many things that are not reality based when we are not working or doing something important. Cheaters often do cheat again....I wont call it a defect but a cheater will never change unless they realize what they have lost or the misery they have caused but I dont need to commit murder to realize that it will in the long run hurt me and those who loved that person...just a thought. To answer the question, women cheat on good women have low character, possibly little to no moral guiding system (in other words they are not the type of people you trust in any capacity). They may also cheat on good men because they believe a little spice will be good for them (I know you want to say"bored" but keep reading) but once caught if caught they want the good guy back in general (who would want to lose something stable and good). They would express a willingess to change and do better an may not ask the good guy to do anything....which brings it back to the whole boredom theory....if a woman was truly bored she would let that good guy go without much of a fight. Then again I think "boredom" is actually "incompatibilty" once we get to a certain age we really dont change much so that good guy they married who became boring after the marriage is most likely the same boring good guy they were before they even met. Im 25 years old and wouldnt consider marriage unless I dated a woman for a minimum of 4 years...if it concerns having a happy marriage and spending my life with someone whom im compatible with even when the love fades but is still there then 4 years of getting to know that woman is the least I could do. I encourage all people to do this. Be more careful men....if she does something that seems like a red flag call her on it and if she can not give you a good answer leave fast....you dont have time or resources for that kind of nonsense..be adults about this. If given a choice between dating a cheater or a good person..a cheater will not pick the cheater (most wont)....lets leave those people to their own kind...they are not responsible people but the non cheating partner is in some capacity. If more people do this the divorce rate will go down , maybe there wont be such a black eye on the institution of marriage. We must all listen to our hearts but that does not mean we should forget what our brains are telling us.
82. Ali left...Thu, 07/12/07 6:59 pm
Good post.
83. jramos7183 left...Wed, 11/14/07 3:01 pm
OMG!! My fiancée was cheating on me. I just caught him and he cant even deny it. Everytime I asked him about where he was at, I could tell he was lyin to me….you get to know yer man ya know what I mean. He was always telling me that he was out with his friends or caught up in traffic or something like that. It was always weird how he would never let me hang out with his friends. Never. So I went on you tube to find some videos on how to catch a cheater and the first thing that came up was this disgusting sex thing. But I went to the website and they had a lot of stuff to help you catch a cheater. I got 2 things. One is called a cell phone spy, that I used on his phone to find the deleted text messages when he was in the shower. Daaaam was I pissed. He was sending all kinds of text messages to some chick. I also got this thing called a keylogger and put in on his computer and I caught him chattin online with the same chick while I was there right in front of me. When I confronted him, he couldn’t deny nothing. He was stutterin because I was telling him everything that he and she were saying to each other. I was with him for 3 years. I cant believe this happened to me. Im glad I went with my gut. We didn’t plan the wedding too much, but we were supposed to get married in less than a year. Even his family is on my side. Well…if any of you want to check em out, you can find Brickhouse Security at www.brickhousesecurity.com/catch-a-cheater.html . Good luck girls. Get him good.
84. Sandra left...Thu, 12/06/07 2:55 pm
I am a woman and don't condone any reason for cheating whether a male or female. There is no excuse for purposely hurting the one you claim to love! If a woman is 'bored' then you either make it more exciting or leave the relationship. You don't go out and look for excitement and then try to justify it or place blame!
85. Elina Brignonis left...Tue, 12/18/07 10:49 am
My opinion out of what just read and from my own personal exp. Well I have had all relationships that I can think of. Yes, I love me a bad boy. To me a bad boy makes me feel like I have noting in the world to worry about physicaly because he will always have my back. But then on the other end the bad boy never does what a good man will do. A good man dosen't have as much excitment as a bad boy. They dont look for trouble or do naughty things in their life. With the bad boy you always get the unexpectid. Not that it is always for the better, but their is always some kind of surprise their with them. A good man you dont have to worry about financially in the future. There is always that thought in the back of my mind that Maybe if I get me a bad boy I can convert them over. NO-No-NO!!!! I now have learnd that their is no converting no one over. You must take them as is. Within a week of knowing all about that person I do believe that you would be able to tell if this is the right person for you or not. For me I like to give it (3 month) test. The 3 month test is you will have your ups, downs, love, fights, and etc.... If you can over come the 3 months with you and your spouse then maybe just maybe it may work out for the (2) of you in the future. Woman on the other hand, you have to keep us guessin? We may say that we hate surprises, but in the long run if you keep a woman more intised but what it is that you may of gotten for her then it keeps the mind wondering. It could be a good thing or a bad thing, but it keeps them locked onto you.
86. David left...Fri, 02/22/08 9:27 am
i know how it is....my girl of 8 months left me cause she liked another guy. depressing. but oh well if you truly love someone then you should have the power to let go and let them be the happiest they can be with the person that can make them that happy
87. overthink its way too much but i left...Sat, 07/05/08 4:06 am
I suspect women who do this have this in their history or have at least the traits of this in their makeup. I also believe these are the women who get caught up emotionally everytime and never actually think about what they are doing. Some people really cant think but 5 minutes ahead which is really sad. Cheating is an issue with the person not the spouse...will power and self control should always win out. Anyone can stop cheating unless you have neurological issue like meds or disorder, do they want to is the question. How many responsible women have taken a step back and said to themselves do I want a marriage or a fling? And stopped cheating....Many. As well as man. You either have morals or you dont. The very fact that cheaters dont do the cheating openly tells you a whole lot about the situation to begin with. Wrong is wrong is wrong. If spouses cant talk about how to fix their marriage or one fails to mention dissatisfaction and they both actively work on it..It was always doomed. You dont marry someone to watch them in silent disatisfaction your whole life.....Staying with a cheating man defintely suggests something wrong with that woman.....because 9/10 of those women if not all wont approve of it...So either way you go..you have your answer about whats really going on.
88. Tina Marie left...Sun, 08/24/08 7:02 pm
Like Mark Winschel's girlfriend, she stays with him because he cheats on her, cheats on her and cheats on her. She is oblivious, and wants to stay oblivious. He says he's loyal, but he's not...he loves only his member and not a woman, and she stays with him. Hey Tammy, you deserve better!
89. leanne james left...Thu, 08/28/08 5:39 am
When a man starts a proper relationship with his mistress he creates a vacany a vacany that will ultimately need filling.my advice dont trust them girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
90. S.B.R. left...Fri, 12/19/08 9:12 pm
Its not about who is bad or who is good,...fat, couch potato,...none of that!You would be surprised who has cheated,...I would say 50/50 men as women do."DATE YOUR MATE!"It's not rocket science....."DATE YOUR MATE" Court him or her forever and if ytou have tried everything with a clear conscious to make the effort in working on your relationships...YOU BETTER BE DAMN WELL READY FOR THE CONSEQUENCES,....if you are still not regretting you cheated and you realize you should not have been together,...than be amicable towards one another everyday in which YOU HAVE to.ANYBODY CAN CHEAT AND MOVE ON,...but you better be working on yourself while your doing it because if you left because of you....Than you better be doing something for you even if you stumble a few times!ALSO,...if there is children,...make sure you show them everyday you love them and how you are demonstrating that a cheating factor in a relationship doesn't define who you are as a person or parent but that good will still flow their way with other great qualities from the one that cheated.Also, remember people can cheat with their heads as well as thier physical bodies.Men too can cheat every night with you while convincing he is making love to you while calling out your name even,... for the simple fact the money pot is in your corner or th family might think he is a failure!MAN or Woman up! Fix it or get out!Don't keep lying though,...how sick is that bondage?
91. blackmachismo09 left...Sat, 12/20/08 11:53 am
I've seen this so much (including in my own experience) that it's just a no-brainer. The "good men" often catch hell for what some joker did back in the day. My advice to the "good men" is simply this- focus on ur careers, becomre the best man you can be (that definently includes getting educated on dating/behaviors), and leave these knucklehead females to their own devices. In my own life, I've had to do that, and I'm all the better for it. Life is hard enuf as it is, why invite drama and pain in it?
92. Tabacco left...Sun, 04/05/09 12:52 pm :: http://tabacco.blog-city.com/
"Why do so many women who have good men...cheat on them....and women who have bad men...usually more often than not...stay with them?" - I'm sorry, but I cannot disagree with that generalization!What does that say about women? What does that say about their preference for "being turned on" over "common sense"! Incidentally, most men make all major decisions, not with their brains, but with their penises! Maybe I should start a blog about the "peculiarities of men". I wouldn't have to go far for subject matter. I could take all your Posts and just modify them from "her" to "him". I even have a working title:"The Other Side"
93. Xena left...Thu, 06/18/09 4:22 pm
Everyone on this planet has free choice! I will not listen to any worthless excuse for cheating. If you are unhappy go out there and say so. Either one is strong and has the courage to say so or they are nothing more than a coward doing the deed behind their mates back. Why cheat to hurt someone? How selfish! What ever happened to self-control!?
94. Ali left...Thu, 06/18/09 7:38 pm
They think self control is cheating once instead of twice.
95. Dolly left...Thu, 08/27/09 12:43 pm :: http://dollysrelationships.com/
I totally agree! People shouldn't be let off the hook for cheating whether once or multiple times! If you don't love the person anymore, then you should leave. I'm a woman and honestly, if u get bored and want more in your life, then talk to your husband. He might actually be able to become creative with things!
96. Ali left...Thu, 08/27/09 12:59 pm
Yeah you are right Dolly a couple can do something about the boredom, it's not rocket science it just takes communication and some cooperation so they can continue doing the things they like to do together. But it takes effort from both people. One person sits there bored and expects their spouse to do all the entertaining but that's a selfish mindset and putting unfair expectations on the other, they should look forward to enjoying their time together and plan accordingly. "Boredom" is a lame excuse to cheat and throw the marriage under the bus. It's also a lame excuse for lashing out and being passive aggressive against one's mate. But then again some people just can't stay with the same person for too long, they aren't really capable of long term monogamy. People like that shouldn't get married in the first place.
97. Dee left...Wed, 09/30/09 1:46 pm :: http://creditrestorationbureau.com
I blame quick engaements - 2 weeks 6 weeks 5 months its all too quick . you have no idea what you ae getting the truth is they cannot get all they want in one man . get to know the person you are looking to marry .
98. Dave left...Wed, 09/30/09 4:07 pm
That's the problem with only going with that special "Spark" Dee
99. Why Men Cheat left...Mon, 11/02/09 9:38 am :: http://www.howtofixrelationship.com/why-
This is quite true indeed. Women react differently to men that are more aggressive and not too nice.
100. bubblicious left...Sat, 11/28/09 10:02 am :: http://www.spysupermarket.co.uk
You can't generalise like that, I know plenty of people who have had bad men and have cheated on them. The statistics on cheating are frightening - see http://www.spysupermarket.co.uk/spying-and-relationship-advice/indifelity-statistics.htmlI believe that everyone gets tempted at some time or another but it's down to the individual's strength of character and moral fibre to fight against it. If something's wrong in the relationship, spend the time and effor to fix it, rather than look to cheat. If it can't be fixed then move on.
101. Gone cycling left...Thu, 01/21/10 8:57 am
People who cheat are dishonest. You cannot call yourself a person with integrity because you are honest at work, in your business dealings, with your friends and colleagues, but you cheat on your spouse. One is either a person who is honest (has integrity) or one is not. There are no measures of honesty – one is not slightly honest/very honest/sometimes honest/sometimes dishonest – there is ONLY honesty or dishonesty. If you had to ask 100 people in the street whether they considered themselves honest, probably all would say “yes”. Few people are able to take an honest (!!) and critical look at themselves and see what/who they really are. Honesty or integrity is the major component of character – as a matter of fact I don’t think someone has character if they lack honesty. The higher your self-respect is the more solid your character. However, I would think that someone with low self-respect may still be honest, and some with high self-respect might be dishonest. Self-respect (and respect for others) is another component of character, but self-respect is not necessarily a component of integrity. You can still have integrity and character without self-respect (someone who might let others walk over them – people-pleasers) but you cannot be a person of character if you lack integrity. Good character is not what you project to the world, it is what you are WILLING to REVEAL about yourself to yourself and the world. Knowing that I might be labelled pious (but not caring!!) I always say that if Jesus (or God, for others) chose a team I want to be in it.If someone is not happy in their marriage and they decide to cheat then no matter how much they try to justify the cheating by saying that their spouse doesn’t live up to their expectations, or they are out of love, or they are bored they remain a person lacking the primary characteristic of good character which is honesty. It does not make your cheating acceptable if you find a reason for it. It is an essentially disrespectful and selfish person that surreptitiously cheats on their spouse, ESPECIALLY if it is done over an extended period, or with different people (the serial cheat) and they never divorce. If someone is that unhappy with their marriage or relationship then they should work at FIXING it or divorce the person instead of living such a double life of betrayal and lies. What is ever gained by the man or woman who cheats and stays in the relationship? Staying together for the sake of the children or for financial reasons does NOT make you a more honourable person. The only time you are ever an honourable and honest person is when you can look EVERYONE squarely in the eyes and tell them you are without flinching (assuming you have a conscience).For me personally it is incomprehensible how someone can cheat on their partner and at the same time feel emotionally, physically and spiritually free. Just the thought of betraying someone makes me feel uneasy, so I would suffer enormously mentally and emotionally if I was betraying the person whom I was involved with in a relationship. I would also not like to waste my time with someone with whom I was unhappy. I WANT to remain happy and I WANT to have a GREAT life, and I WANT people to think highly of me and to respect me and I really do not WANT to disappoint anyone because it would make me FEEL very bad. That is why I find it so easy to be honest with myself and others… because the price I would have to pay for dishonesty is just too high, and I don’t want to pay it. I do not want to have to deal with guilt or remorse. I do not want to have to go to some hideaway with some lover, or hide behind a pillar in a restaurant, or guard my cell phone or wonder when I am going to be found out. I cannot deal with that, and I suppose that ‘weakness’ in my makeup is actually my strength, too. My life is easy and uncomplicated; I travel light and that is the way I want it always to be. Because I value happiness so much, and because I value being alive and want to make the most of my life I will not remain in an unhappy relationship.But I can also understand WHY so many people cheat. It is because many people marry too soon after meeting someone, or marry for reasons such as financial dependency, need for personal fulfillment, someone to take care of them, foreign citizenship, in search of happiness and contentment, and probably many more. These are not REASONS to get married and indeed are all reasons (maybe in a way valid – immorally so) why someone would cheat on their spouse (albeit extremely greedy and selfish reasons), because the person -or both parties --) went into a marriage for reasons other than what they were supposed to: real love and the desire to share your life with someone.That is why it is so important to reveal your real self to someone, so that they indeed know who they really are marrying. If you reveal a side of your character to someone only after you are married then you should understand that it would take a person with an extreme amount of self-restraint NOT to cheat on you. Even if it is in their character not to cheat, they would probably wish they were with someone else rather than you, and the marriage would be miserable. As much as people should not every betray their partners, so people should also not be devious and full of trickery and guile when it comes to the pre-marriage phase of the relationship. Whilst cheating is indeed reprehensible, it is also quite understandable that the person who was tricked by their spouse will at least think of it once they are trapped in a loveless or frustrating marriage. They just need to be smart and before they actually cheat they should get out of the marriage.If you know what you want out of life, and if you know how to get the most out of life, and you have an abundance of enthusiasm for life, then marry someone most LIKE you. There aren’t many people like that but those types who do marry each other usually have brialliant and fulfilling marriages.But, if you are a miserable person with no real direction in your life, you are also only going to be attracted to the same kind of people and then you must not have high expectations of your marriage.People who are miserable and directionless and don’t know how to create their own happiness have no right to look for a partner amongst the well-balanced, happy, focused, enthusiastic and exciting people. They will be wasting their time and also have nothing to contribute to a relationship with those kinds of people.In the final analysis I think the majority of people really get what they deserve in life and that is why so many couples divorce – we should not be so shocked at the divorce rate – we should rather re-evaluate what we want from life and thus from a partner. We must find partners who will help us live our best lives, and we can only do that if we really know who we are, what we want and have a clear-cut direction for our lives. If you respect, trust and really love your partner you will also make sure that YOU are the best partner to them that you can possibly be, and hence you must also respect, love and trust yourself.
102. Bubblicious left...Thu, 01/21/10 11:36 am :: http://www.spysupermarket.co.uk
Well said Lorenda. I echo your sentiments and you expressed them far better than I could hope to achieve.
103. Rich left...Tue, 01/26/10 5:32 am
I think it comes down to Love, if you truly Love your mate, you won't cheat on them. It is now so acceptable in this U.S. society, that I think people think it is a part of the norm nowadays. That and the divorce act, too!
104. jarrid left...Tue, 03/09/10 12:42 pm
some women are just plain selfish only care about them selves and if u dont take a stand they wii try and have there cake and eat it to
105. Norm left...Fri, 03/19/10 3:35 pm
I met a woman who was 9 years younger than I last year and for the first time experienced what can only be described as "love at first site". We talked and we connected and within a week she and a friend were invited to my country house. There we connected some more and I told her I liked her but did not turn it into physical exchanges wanting to prove I wanted more than to be "an adventure". She mentioned she was impressed by it and within a week after that we had a first date which she initiated and where she made the first move and asked if we were to have sex. I, not having a condom, said we should wait until the next time when I would have one. We stayed up until sunup walking and making out and made plans to see each other soon. Within hours she wrote me saying she had had a great time and was thinking about me but did not want others to know about us until we did and that she was going out with a friend for a walk. Turned out it was a man who had made out with her friend nights before and he was told by her she had someone in mind but yet they walked to her house and had foreplay but no sex. The morning after she received an email from me telling her I understood she wanted to take things slowly and respected that. The night following she asked to go out on a date again and asked to prolong the night. We made out for hours and then she told me about having "cheated" on me despite the fact she liked me and our time together and asked for my forgiveness which I can reluctantly because I liked her and assumed we had not established we were a couple then. We coupled together that night and we have been together for months now and despite the fact everything is perfect between us I am irrationally jealous whenever she befriends men I do not know now. What am I supposed to do with such feelings ? She says she has found the right person for her but continues to act single and reassures me so often even though I do not ask her to do so, which makes me even more insecure then. Worst thing is she mentioned to me she ended up cheating on everyone of her exes in the past when a new guy came up and she was unhappy in her relationship then. She says having hurt me before we ever were an item per say made her realize she had a problem and is now wiser yet that makes me feel I can not talk openly to her about things I dislike sometimes or have to be thrilling all the time or she will find another reason to cheat and feel bad about it. What do you think I should think and do with this in mind ?
106. Ali left...Fri, 03/19/10 8:01 pm
Norm that sounds pretty FUBAR to me. If her past or present or potential future actions are making you feel the way you do now, it's not a good sign, and you should listen to your gut. She has issues. Nobody is perfect but her issues are going to put the knife in your back sooner or later. The way you feel about her won't stop her from being her, and if her being her = toxic, then there's only one thing you can do = break up and find yourself a more stable woman. Nobody is worth this much trouble.
107. Peter left...Sun, 03/21/10 6:40 pm
Hey, it's about due time MEN began to think about MEN who are verbally/emotionally abused by abused women. To be honest, and maybe i'm being one sided here but i'm sick and tired of hearing stories of how bad men are when in my experience around me (friends&family)i t's been always the other way round. Come on society, wake up!
108. Anne left...Thu, 06/03/10 5:16 am
I have been cheated on and luckily when i left the guy it did not affect my life too much, i was able to move on but now i have a dear friend a man who was cheated on, and it has left his life in ruins, no one be it man or woman deserves this treatment, or the lasting effects it can have on them, it is all about PERSONAL RESPONSIBILTY, no excuses can be made, we are all given freedom of choice, if some one decides to spread themselves around a bit when in a marriage it is down to them and not the person on the receiving end, so these people who have affairs need to stop blaming others and take a good long hard look at them selves in the mirror
109. Franky left...Fri, 11/05/10 4:04 pm
In most cases the answer to BOTH questions is perfectly summed up in the statement: MANY WOMEN CRAVE BAD MEN.Their reasons for this craving are obviously very individual, but it is evident that such women seek out "good" men because their logic tells them this is best (after all, who wouldn't want to be loved and cared for?). However they CANNOT control the excitement they feel when a "dangerous" guy comes along. In most cases they have a fling, their relationship with the good guy collapses, and then they go on the hunt again . . . for another "good guy". And the cycle repeats. If you ever have the misfortune to bump into one of these women ... RUN LIKE HELL.Oh, and the same applies to men who cheat.A final thought:For many people, the whole relationship thing has become a way of self gratification. They express feelings they don't really feel, and make promises and commitments they don't mean to keep. Why? If they didn't go through these pretences, they would be labelled whores (or the male equivalent).But the final result is the same. Shattered lives. Traumatised children. An insecure world. When will people ever learn? We reap what we sow.
110. Touhatsu left...Thu, 11/18/10 4:32 pm
Sorry but there's a simple truth: women up to the age of 35 are vapid and childish whores.After that they become desperate overly fucked hags that look for a man to bleed dry of money and the will to live.Oh and on some level it's of course mens fault... dunno how, but is must be.Seriously women: 90% of you are horrible persons.
111. Jasmin left...Thu, 11/18/10 5:49 pm
Interesting article. A woman may have a good man, but something else could be missing from the relationship causing the woman to venture out of the relationship to find it. Also, what is the definition of a good man? That question varies based on the person you ask. Here is an interesting article that also hits on some of your points. 5 Reason Why Women Cheat. http://bit.ly/9UxL1I
112. beautifulmingles left...Thu, 12/02/10 11:49 pm :: http://www.beautifulmingles.com/online-d
It's well known that women are more attracted to bad men and turned off by good men. Why is that so?Woman get bored with good man because every thing is predictable( typed) for good man and there is no excitement.While jerks or bad man are unpredictable that is what brings excitement for love or sexual life and experiences.
113. Ali left...Sun, 12/05/10 10:53 am
"It's well known that women are more attracted to bad men and turned off by good men. Why is that so? Woman get bored with good man because every thing is predictable( typed) for good man and there is no excitement. While jerks or bad man are unpredictable that is what brings excitement for love or sexual life and experiences."And how's that working out for you? Sabotaging your relationships in order to chose other relationships that are doomed to fail?
114. T left...Thu, 04/28/11 3:40 pm
That's actually a funny question, because why do women do that? Whenever you're little you just dream about the perfect guy for you and your dream wedding, but then as you get older and you start to meet different people and maybe even a perfect guy you don't really want them anymore.. is it the "you want what you can't have?" of are women honestly just attracted to guys who are flat out jerks?? I've asked myself this quesiton a hundred times.. you're "suppose" to meet your dream guy that treats you well and be faithful but yet, all these women stay with the guys who are jerks and all the good guys are just left alone.
115. T left...Thu, 04/28/11 3:41 pm
That's actually a funny question, because why do women do that? Whenever you're little you just dream about the perfect guy for you and your dream wedding, but then as you get older and you start to meet different people and maybe even a perfect guy you don't really want them anymore.. is it the "you want what you can't have?" of are women honestly just attracted to guys who are flat out jerks?? I've asked myself this quesiton a hundred times.. you're "suppose" to meet your dream guy that treats you well and be faithful but yet, all these women stay with the guys who are jerks and all the good guys are just left alone.
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