Mamasan
Though there are some exceptions, women are generally socialized to be flirtatious and pleasing. We feign sexual interest in men we really have no attraction to whatsoever, or who we know are inappropriate potential mates. Sometimes we flirt with men who we know are not attracted to us.
Why?
Because we’re usually sure that this kind of behavior will benefit us in some way.
We flirt with men we’re not attracted to, or who are out of bounds because we think it will get them to do things for us or give us things. Even the remotest possibility of getting into our pants will drive you (men) to sometimes go well out of your way to please us. Sometimes you will do this even if you know that you have no chance at all, because you just want us to think well of you. Maybe we will tell one of our equally attractive peers how great you are, and our beauty will spread your fame.
We flirt with men we know are not attracted to us because we are taught that attention from any reasonably clean looking woman boosts your egos. Also, we may spread the word to a more attractive woman that you are a nice, kind fellow. Sometimes we do this for the reverse gender reason in the previous paragraph. “You may not want to shag me, but damnit you’ll know that I’m sexy anyway.”
It’s all hogwash when it comes right down to it, but this is what motivates women to flirt with guys they don’t really want, or understand don’t want them.
For this reason, many a confused man has asked, “How do I know if she’s really interested in me…and for what?”
Clear Statements
One sure way of knowing is if she says so, and if her actions match her words.
I don’t mean words like, “I really like you,” or, “You’re a sweet guy.” I mean words like, “Take me you beast!” followed by arms and legs all over the place.
There are other words that can mean that she’s interested in you, but unsure of how you’ll feel or what kind of relationship you can have, like, “I really like you, but I don’t want to break you,” or something of similar meaning.
A clear statement is the sign of a healthy minded woman who knows what she wants. If you’ve got one of these then the only area you need to be careful in is whether or not you are listening to her carefully. If she’s telling you what she wants, and when, then it’s likely that she’s also told you or going to tell you how and why. To avoid unnecessary pain for either or both of you, answer with clear statements and exact questions of your own in order to clarify everyone’s position before proceeding.
Decisive Action
A woman may not know you well enough to know if you’re available, or if you’re ready for a relationship, so she may do things to indicate that she’s interested in you as more than a friend. There is a difference in friend gestures and potential lover gestures:
Friend gestures are things meant to show you that you are a good pal and need to cheer up or something. They are things your sister or your aunt or mom might do for you.
Potential lover gestures are things meant to show you what a good lover or girlfriend or wife she would be. They are things your sister, aunt, or mom would definitely not do for you unless they needed psychiatric help.
Though there is some crossover because some women might also want to show you what a good mom they would be to your future children, here are some examples of friend behaviors and potential lover behaviors:
Friendly Gestures
Staying up all night to commiserate with you about ex’s. Inviting you to the pub for a drink. Inviting you to the club for a dance. Joining you incidentally at the pub or club. Drinking with you until you’re both wasted and being okay with opening your car door to hurl. Buying you something relatively inexpensive that you said you wanted, but is a bit hard to find, or that you couldn’t afford. Cooking something for you, or feeding you when you visit.
Potential Lover Gestures
Wearing something just because you said it was sexy. Competing with or showing jealousy against your porn or female entertainment icons. Bringing you a present at someone else’s birthday party. …and of course, suddenly jumping your bones.
Unless or until you get clear statements and decisive action, hold your horses. If you think she might be interested, you can open a dialogue, but remember that if you ask a question, be prepared for the answer.
What you must understand is that flirting does not mean a woman is interested in you. Create a sort of an intensity radar that women need to reach in order to convince you that they’re not just toying with you, and those who are truly interested will jump to make a blip on your screen.
When they flirt, you can flirt back a little, but be cautious that there are female jerks out there. Some women will lead you on and tease, so it is important to set physical boundaries with all of the women you know. There are a few types of female jerks who use flirting to manipulate men. Some use more than one of these tactics.
“The Cock Blocker”
This woman makes territorial gestures, and uses touching to keep other women away from you. Her intention is to isolate you by convincing others around you that you belong to her. She needs to own men, even those she deems “just friends”.
When other women approach, she tries to monopolize your attention, or becomes more physically affectionate than she would in private.
…but then if you confront her with it, she protests that you are “just friends”.
A touchy-feely person who is really a true friend may touch you in public, but she is going to look around first and perhaps actually say things to people around so that they know that you are just friends. She is going to step back without signs of jealousy or disappointment when another woman you are attracted to comes around or wants your attention. She may also invite other touching female friends to touch you as well, especially if she knows one of them is attracted to you. She wants you to get a girlfriend…not to keep you from getting a girlfriend. Sometimes the reason she is touching you is not just because she likes to, but because as a friend she knows you need it to keep from becoming desperate and touch starved. If she does allow other people to think you are lovers, it is only to advertise you as a sexual being.
“The Tease”
This woman will flirt with you in public and private. She wants to turn you on because she knows that when you are horny, you aren’t thinking clearly. Because she takes advantage of the combination of friendship and sexual tension, the mix is there for you to fall in love with her.
…and once you fall in love, she begins to withdraw and ration her attention based on favors that you do for her. You wait for the opportunity to do something for her and spend time with her, and she has you on a list of other males who have been duped into her game.
Many of these women keep about 3 or more guys dangling on the string. They have one they get money from, one who does their yardwork, chores, or babysitting, and another who enhances their social prospects.
There are many women like this. It is in fact common for women to play this game because we all learn early that it is better to be wanted by men than to let them have you. The decent woman’s objective is to wait until they know if you’re a worthy lover, but the tease only wants your resources. They act like decent women who are waiting, but years later you find that you’ve been waiting in vain. That day that they wake up and realize that you are a good decent man never comes.
…well not until they’re older and the guy who was shagging them and not providing for them while you were breaking your back, dumps them for a younger model.
“The Exam”
All women test men, just as men test women in relationship…but this woman will test you forever. She will never trust you about anything, and will make your life a living hell, and enjoy doing so. You are never good enough. You never do anything right. You are stupid, cheating, lying, an idiot…but strangely never so bad that she’ll make a clean break with you.
You wonder, if you are so terrible, why doesn’t she just go away?
…because you are so much fun to abuse.
The testing should end after you’ve established yourself as a real partner. Once you’ve both gotten through the stage of getting to know each other, and you have both stated your love for each other, and you’ve been there for her through one or two of the inevitable hard times that life brings, she should know that you’re going to be there.
If she doesn’t really know this, then she needs counseling. If you know that she knows this, but she’s still harping on you about every little thing, and accuses you of cheating on her or wanting to kill her or something, she needs counseling and space away from you.
“The Pimptress”
She doesn’t need you. You can drop off the face of the Earth for all she cares. She has a few other guys who can do the same…yet you’re all trying to get her attention. She blesses you with the occasional kiss, or maybe even the best shag you’ve ever had in your life, but once it’s over you can go away and not hear from her for months.
…but when she sees you, if she’s not busy with someone else, you can meet her at her place, which isn’t where she lives, but her studio or extra apartment where she does her dirty work. You can tell she doesn’t live there because she asks you to pick up some munchies on the way there.
She doesn’t want to go to your place. She doesn’t want to know you, or for anybody to see her coming out of your place ever. She doesn’t want anyone to see you coming out of her place either.
Pimptresses work alone if they’re wealthy enough and don’t like cliques, but sometimes they work in teams. They lure men, and use them sexually, and even if a guy has greater relationship potential, he’ll never get the chance to show it. “You’re all dogs. You’ll do anything for a threesome too.”
“The Plesbian”
This type is one of the ones I despise the most. I’ve had personal experience with this. This woman pretends to be bisexual or otherwise kinky in order to get male attention or worse, get the attention of a taken man.
Sometimes she will even go as far as to have an actual encounter with a woman, and establish herself as the second girlfriend or wife, but eventually she show signs that she never really wanted to share.
She begins to convince the male to leave the other in place of her, especially if the other is the primary partner and she is just their girlfriend. The first red light against this kind of woman is usually when they are more interested in pleasing the male sexually than they are the female, which requires some effort even if you know what to do.
When the primary partner starts to protest that the Plesbian is a fake, then she gets viewed as the jealous one.
Grrrrrrr!!!!!!
“The Skank”
This is a woman who just has some kind of fetish for dirt, deception, and drama. She is the Jerry Springer poster girl. She’ll do whatever with whoever, but with the guy she wants to really use and manipulate, she is just a misunderstood woman with a checkered past who needs rescued.
The fool who gets involved thinks himself a modern day Pygmalion, who transforms her from skank to responsible housewife. They have a couple of kids, and live a happy semi-free-love-sixties kind of life. She even brings him a woman or two from time to time for a threesome. He’s in hog heaven until he comes home one day and sees her shagging three of his best friends at once.
Before you find yourself in tears with a gun to your own head or hers, leave the skank where you find her…or if you’re a benevolent soul, just leave her at the public clinic.
There are many more kinds of female jerks, but you’re getting the picture by now I hope. Don’t worry more about whether or not a woman is interested in you than worrying about whether or not she’s someone you would want to be interested in you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"A girl told me that she wanted a "Nice guy" but was sexually attracted to "Bad boys". She states that when girls are young they go with what they FEEL more then what they NEED. More importantly they go with the sexual feelings almost always when they are young. When they get older then they go for the "Nice guy" because they know they can settle down with them because they're more responsible and suited for marriage." –will
Your feelings? (12)
The purpose of this site is to allow you to express how you feel. It’s not to determine whom is right or wrong.
1. Dave left...Sat, 12/02/06 9:41 am
Is this pussy power at work?
2. madalayne left...Sat, 12/02/06 3:10 pm
No, it's just yet another one-sided discussion of the male and female dynamics so common on this blog...
3. Doc left...Mon, 12/11/06 12:47 pm
Once again I totally agree - mama you are supporting a lot of men's idea of what a woman is - you need to watch how you take this! As much as many women out there have had poor experiences, there are triple the men! Personally I think if a man just be himself he'll have little prob with any woman who comes along -
4. Woodsmen left...Fri, 04/13/07 6:17 pm
Wow! I have met one woman that was almost all of this. Learned a lot about how desperate older women can be.
5. Dave left...Fri, 04/13/07 7:55 pm
madalayne' No, it's just yet another one-sided discussion of the male and female dynamics so common on this blog...Well madalayne' this was written by a woman who knows how women really think. You know very well that women prefer to use men one way or another. But don't forget the bad boy is a master at using women.
6. Charley left...Wed, 05/23/07 8:10 pm
"We flirt with men we know are not attracted to us because we are taught that attention from any reasonably clean looking woman boosts your egos."In reality, it's a bitter ego tear down when we find out you're just messing with us. One guy once told me it's like they're throwing crap on us. He didn't use that polite a word. It would only be an ego boost to us if you really meant it. No one likes being mislead."Also, we may spread the word to a more attractive woman that you are a nice, kind fellow." Is that likely to help us? I doubt it.The problem with theoretically clear gestures is that many women are completely full of crap and they mislead us on purpose. So how can we ever know to believe any of you? I've come to the point that until she's naked, I'm going to be skeptical that she wants me. Even then I'll be skeptical of anything else she tells me."What you must understand is that flirting does not mean a woman is interested in you." By God that's the truth. I still find it dishonest. The degree of dishonesty depends on the intensity of it, and her intent.As for the rest of the examples, I've been on the crummy end of them all, especially the tease combined with cock blocker. I even have one skank experience where she tried to arrange a 3-some. I said "0no thanks". The 3rd party she introduced was another guy. What was she thinking?The best defense against a known tease is to yawn every time she attempts it. That's a major ego bashing for her. However, be careful with that, because you don't want to do that to a good woman who really likes you.Anyway, it's almost impossible to take anything women say seriously. If a guy does, he will likely get hurt.Thing is, there are some good women out there, but with many bad ones hard at work, it's all very confusing for a guy. How can he really know one from the other? I don't think you can really ever know until after you've found out per individual.Some women are good, some bad. It's all a roll of the dice crap shoot.The best defense a guy has is to be direct. Get her to either accept a date and carry through, or reject you once and for all. Closure is a reward in itself. The only way you can get closure, which defeats their manipulations, is to directly ask them out, and always be direct about what you want/expect/need, and if she then gives you vague double talk, consider that your walking papers, and don't let her reel you back in again.
7. charley left...Thu, 05/24/07 3:22 pm
When I was young, I fear rejection a lot. I didn't fear being jerked around and manipulated because I was to innocent (and vulnerable) to even be aware of that. I just believed whatever women told me.FYI - that's why having an older woman for my first GF (me 23, her 37) was so good for me and such a good memory to me. She never jerked me around or manipulated me. She told told me what she wanted, when, and why. There were no mind games. A well meaning middle aged woman is the perfect first GF for an innocent young boy/man.Now that I'm middle aged, I have learned that rejection isn't quite so bad as I used to think, and that there are far worse things than rejection. Like being used and manipulated by some insincere bitch who either doesn't care about the guy, or even means him harm.So the best way to derail the manipulators is to just be direct and ask them out, or ask her intentions, and then expect her to follow through, and if she doesn't then I don't want to talk to her anymore, ever again. Simple as that.I've learned to fear being manipulated and emotionally used and/or abused more than I fear rejection. That makes it much easier to put a stop to figure out which women are sincere and which are just jerking a guy around. The sooner I am direct (per woman), the better.I think that applies to any guy.
8. Xena left...Tue, 07/15/08 10:39 am
REMEMBER THIS!!! LIVE YOUR LIFE NOT NEEDING A WOMAN! tHEN YOU CAN DEAL WITH A WOMAN1
9. tee left...Wed, 07/16/08 3:45 pm
Are men truly upset about this? I can see if they're actually looking for a relationship - but come on, why not enjoy the attention and take it for what it is. When the right one flirts....he'll know it's for real.
10. John left...Thu, 01/08/09 9:58 am
No tee they can't. At least some of us can't tell. Unless she makes other signs of interest like asking you out for coffee or drinks we won't know if she's flirting for the hell of it or whether she wants to get closer to us. But that's the time a guy needs to get them off the fence, finding out if they're for real or just playing with you.
11. S.B.R. left...Thu, 01/08/09 10:55 am
Doc, with your statement most correctly stating the obvious reality,...(My schedule is hectic today),...can anyone take Mamasan's poisen's titled roles of women and "flip it" to societies roles of women and how they are used in regards to the obvious that women will always confer with a man, and men will always confer with women and interact regardless but HOW BENEFICIAL IT IS TO BOTH?Also can anyone leave a map guide for Mamasan for the nearest animal shelter since she obviously has titles for animals and not obvious human beings she interacts with to make a positive, healthy contribution to society?Also,...Mamasan,...please inform your audience with your mighty powerful knowledge based expertise how your healthy realtionships are working for for with men and women...this should be interesting in understanding how her head case informative attributes of a woman are being carried out,....probably none and on that note,....I have to get back to my peeps now. You are not a time stealer for me when I do the real work that you proclaim you know about.Judge not,...least be judged to you, right? Can you proclaim Mamasan where you mgiht have heard this statement?
12. Ali left...Fri, 01/09/09 12:29 am
Are you taking the OP personally SBR?
You and I may disagree, but I will defend to the death your right to disagree.
Voltaire
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens.- Nick Diamos Hosted by Blog-City v6.0a
Terms & Conditions of this blogcity site
No comments:
Post a Comment